Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Weight of the World

I don’t understand how they do it, how video game characters or characters in books can travel from world to world without feeling anything of what they left behind in another. I’m traveling in between two worlds myself right now. My home in Los Angeles and my home in Irvine. Both of which I’m sometimes stuck in.

When I came home this weekend to LA, I felt no feeling of going back to Irvine anytime soon like I usually do, because I’ve been going through some tough times. In Irvine, I’ve been through disputes, midterms, mountains of homework, talks with friends, laughter and tears, partying, sleep deprivation, sleep talking, and so much more. I couldn’t handle the weight of it all, so I decided to come back home and recharge. I came back home to be safe.

Here in LA, I’m reminded of all the things I’ve left behind for the new world in Irvine. A family, my best friends, a comfortable shower, family dinners, and knowing the area where I grew up in, but it wasn’t all roses and sunshine here either. There were fights between friends, family problems, issues with money, education, career goals, and some of the same things I had in Irvine. I had two worlds that had things that were equally bad and equally good in them.
Where was the middle ground? Where could I be safe from all these things and not feel the weight of the world on my shoulders? Where I could put myself up in a little ball and just forget about everything? How could they—anyone— handle any of that pressure?
Then, I knew. They were heroes. They had nothing to lose, because the most important thing to them had already been lost or taken away. That is why they travel. That is why they move in between worlds without any regret. They have a set goal in mind. Then, what was my goal? How could I keep from going insane?
I’ve realized that I’m no video game character, that I’m no hero, and that I have to face these things head-on every day of my life for the rest of my life, but I just got to keep on walking. What was my reason for moving into another world, the world known as Irvine? It was to become a better writer and take my skills and what little I knew about writing and make a name in the writing world by starting somewhere. If high school was level one of the game, then college is level two. Only a few hundred more levels to go. As long as I keep fighting, as long as I know my true goal, then I will keep myself sane through all the madness in between jumping through these worlds back and forth.
All the pressures that come with moving away from home and into college have hit me, one way or another. There are probably still more that are going to come my way, but I’m sure I’ll survive them in the end. If life was full of success, then what would be the point of living? I’ve realized that I’ve been knocked to the ground by a lot of things in these worlds, but now all I have to do is one thing: get up. 


Anonymous said...

If you need to escape and find some middle ground somewhere there are many ways to do that. Go out and explore your school's campus, find that spot where you can relax and unwind and just get your mind back in order. Whether that spot is in the middle of the park surrounded by trees or a certain spot in the library. No matter where you are there is always a place you can go, you just need to find it.

It is also a state of mind. You could simply be in your dorm room and you can let your mind go. The problem is not trying to find an escape or a place to just forget it all. The problem is getting the courage to come back and face reality head on.

Vatche said...

You're very right, Anonymous. The problem isn't trying to find an escape, but trying to find a place to let my mind go and to have the courage to face reality, and I noticed that when I wrote this piece.

I have to get up and face reality, that there is no escape, and that I just got to deal with the things instead of hiding from them.

Thank you for your comment; it is greatly appreciated!

Janet Johnson said...

Jumping into "the real world" is a lot to take on, but it gets easier. I like your hero analogy. And personally, I say use the escape while you can. :)

The Words Crafter said...

Wonderful, wonderful analogy. You nailed it. Bravo!

And I have to disagree with you on something. Have you ever seen the movie Live Free or Die Hard? Justin Long asks Bruce Willis why he keeps doing what he does? Willis replies that there's no one else to do it, so he does. Long says that's what makes him 'that guy', the hero.

You're doing it, by yourself, because you've got no other choice and no one to do it for you. That's what makes YOU 'that guy'.

Bluestocking said...

This feeling of in-betweeness or straddling two worlds is so important for you to be aware of as a writer. It can be frustrating right now as you seek out equilibrium, but essentially all stories are about change, coming of age etc. and your ability to see what you are going through now will only serve you and your stories in the future. Best of luck as you get resettled!

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